The Moment

Standing three steps below the playing surface I am ready to step up, step out and engage.

Metal spikes hold the concrete bottom of the visitors dugout. The time is now. Right, left, right, left, metal spikes dig into the longhorn orange dirt covering the field I’ve entered. The time is now.

Sounds of family and friends from the inner circle chant and cheer. Opposite fans jeer and fear what has become of him within. As the umpire waits for his walk up to the box. We pause to take this moment in. 5 weeks of pain, sweat and tears poured out in silence to the world we face right now. Counted out, bet against and cut from the team.

Now I stand ready to enter with a new uniform, title and role to lead this team to greatness. Champions fave adversity by accepting what they can change and what they must let go. The player takes a few practice swings, stretches the muscle fibers for Maximum power and flexibility, knuckles crack meaning the time is now. Right cleat enters the back of the box, left cleat toes plant into the front. The body sets. Deep breath with a powerful exhale. Tip of the helmet to let the ump know it’s time. The time is now.

The bat raises up, eyes focused on this moment. The pitcher is set. Now the wind up begins. High kick with an arm packed with velocity and speed.

Crack, whoa.

We’re made for this moment.

– JVS

Departure

As my legs jogged down the descending steps leading us into the gateway of the underground. My soul experience an undertaking of serene peace and silence.

The train pulled up within minutes of our arrival. The chapter closed revealing this new chapter.

Today, six days removed. Everything that was is no longer. The old hard coded mind has been completely rewired to adjust to what’s to coming.

There have been moments, where thoughts arise saying that I need to feel some type of way other than what I am experiencing. It’s as if my own brain wants me to be a victim. That happiness is not ok. That I should hold onto what isn’t anymore.

Right now, I’m extremely thankful for everything that has transpired. I am humbled to know that my value was never going to be valued and that is how we know it’s time to walk into the sunlight and expose our truth into all areas of life, to a world that needs whats held within my heart.

11:11:23

– JVS

Anti Fragile

In Greek mythology there is a creature named Hydra. Hydra has one body with three heads.

When the defense attacks Hydra by slashing/ severing one of its heads. Hydra evolves by getting up growing two more heads.

When life dealt the plan for my path I was for certain life was over. All dreams were gone within an instance. At times the mind can flash on to the moment in time. A split second frozen high above then boom it’s over.

As a decade has passed and day by day we have trusted the process. I lost apart of my physical body but the return has been massive. The life I have today is nothing compared to those of my 19 year old dreams.

Right now, the train car I stand inside of is being pulled via acceleration toward the tunnel to travel beneath the bay. Todays energy is a result of anti-fragile systems working in unison.

When life gets hard we need to accept that all we truly can change is this moment and that we cannot do anything alone. Where ever you’re today, know you need to reach out if you truly want to come back from the depths of loss.

– JVS

Breakthrough

0700 hrs: the new sun peaks over the mountains to our east. The season continues to fade as the essence of the season really begins to change. Today, selected from the depths of my closet a choice that’s needed for when the temps begin to dip below warm. A blue and grey plaid long sleeve speaking business casual, blue jeans and a fall brown shoe.

This summer was hot and heavy. As the temperatures rose, eventually peaking for a good stretch of six weeks. We battled. We fought. We grew.

Right now, the train we ride travels inside a tunnel accelerating toward the west where the next destination is. In this moment, we can breathe as we’re aware again. Often the season requiring the most fortitude when we find ourselves deep in the darkness forced to experience incredible pain brings the seasons of beautiful breakthroughs.

To the reader: just today, begin seeing with your eyes. What do the trees look like around you/ in your religion? Do you see the change. Enjoy the season, no matter what may fall from your current life.

– JVS

Improbable

Honest moment I didn’t believe I’d get to this moment in time. I counted myself out a long long time ago.

Then something happened in a split second. Life dealt a hand that was beyond unfair. That hand led to this moment.

Everyday since, I’ve had the privilege to accept that this is the story assigned to me to one day be completed. My story is my why.

Lately I’ve been a little stuck. Fallen victim to the insanity of the mind but I know this is also the season of immense growth.

Too have the ability to wake up while embracing the clarity to choose what isn’t best for myself and actually what’s best for the common good is how on those days when it’s pouring rain, dark as can be all we have to do is show up and be a light amongst the darkness. The light is sooo much stronger than the night.

Today, I didn’t want to get up. I chose to do what was right. Today I didn’t want to get on the train. I chose to just get on the damn train. Today, I had to do a lot of hard, challenging and mind bending activities that made me fall into the feelings of maybe I’m not good enough which wisdom has taught many times that this feeling is a blatant lie. I get to do all of these extraordinary activities because it’s the reward from decades of work i chose to sign up for.

Today, the day was won because of the choices made to do what I did not want to do. Remember this in closing. Your story is improbable. Someone out there is in crisis and needs to witness how you write your current chapter. It’s simple, on those days you don’t want to do jack. The next best way to live is act by doing the exact opposite of what you truly selfishly desire.

The results will speak for themselves.

– JVS

Quiet

Every writer has a time(s) in their journey that their pen temporarily runs out of ink.

As if there is nothing left to give the world. Pen to paper makes no sense. Words get wrote then the wall of pain stops the hand from moving.

Lately, processing in silence, alone. I’ve been grieving the loss of an unfathomable event. More often then not I’ve sat alone with tears streaming from my blue eyes as my soul soaks up the reality of today. The light of the world has dimmed.

Just the other day clarity spoke by pointing out a humming bird right outside the window I was looking out. I stopped, acknowledged and arrived to receive the gift.

All who know, know nothing at all but that the writers pen has not wrote meaning the frail writer is in the midst of a cold winter in the middle of an extremely warm summer.

Today, is progress. The pen penned ink to this pad of paper.

– JVS

52 Pick Up

Life is the dealer. Check your hand.

This past year the hand I’ve been dealt has been absolute bull. Perspective and awareness though have allowed the heart to see the truth that the hands dealt have been completely random which is the reminder that we can only control so little.

Often we get stuck looking at the the losses. Allowing the losses to pile and overwhelm us. I can attest the hands I’ve gotten these last three months have sucked. The ego shouts “why me” then the hearts says because this is your gift. How could such awful situations be such a gift the ego asks then the hearts beats just listen. The dog within barks in silence. Silence speaks volumes.

Right now as I reflect. The dealer keeps dealing. Having a full suite of low cards teaches you a lot about yourself and what you’re made of. the best piece of guidance I can share to the reader is you’ll never win if you never play. With time the hand will win. Remember each unfair hand is preparing you for your next game.

– JVS

…

Today was, Now is.

– JVS

(All paths are paved until we reach the dirt where we choose to pave our own forward, now.)

Off Ramp

The problem with living in the fast lane is this. Your vehicle will burn out and need a fill up sooner than those traveling at a balanced speed in a regular lane.

Life’s road offers off-ramps and plenty of signs allowing drivers to know their options. Rest stop ahead, fast food 2 miles, fuel next 3 stops.

When we don’t take the time to truly maintain our vehicles and get off the freeway maintenance deteriorates and we often find ourselves stuck pointing fingers at the conditions around us for our troubles when we the drivers had many choices that ultimately led us to here.

Thankfully, the moment my vehicle began to give warning signs on the dashboard we pulled off the road and got in for a tune up. The mechanic was able to repair and not replace. we also, were able to listen to how instead of why. Now equipped with the ‘how to’ we can prepare to work toward our next trip.

Two weeks, actually 15 days. Currently driving down 25 mph roads within our community that neighbors busy roads, high mile highways. This is progress. Progress is how we embark toward our next route.

– JVS

Step Backs

Right now, the body rests as I am thankful to have such a vast ecosystem that protects my soul from the conditions that’s are completely out of each of ours control.

This last week has been a blur. The mind flashes the phrase setback on the one track ticker that plays 24/7. Today awareness allows the heart to read and understand this is just the mind and the mind can be accepted for just that the mind.

Sure, this week has been a setback that’s driven a ton of progress. The career is challenging, competitive and collaborative. We’ve been able to give our best effort day by day and most often than not once the evening comes we’re at ease. As I observe this space, we witness the relentlessness of working hard, taking action and gratitude.

Being able to suit up and show up for what ever task or last second change is the gift. Every-time we tap into opening the gift. The present never ceases to amaze us.

Right now, resting. Being accountable to what matters most, life. All too often as of late I’ve heard the mention of “life isn’t fair”. This statement is true. Not one of us has a fair life which in turn means we’re able to make up for what is, equally, today.

– JVS

Momentum

Awhile back, I heard someone mention that it takes four days of incremental doing to activate momentum.

Day 1: we make the decision to act.

Day 2: we follow up with the same decision to act and add in do something new. changing our route, adding in discipline, believing, trusting what ever the choice is we don’t try to we just do it.

Day 3: we act with intention

Day 4: the spark within grows.

Today, marks four months of incremental growth that’s led to this phase of massive momentum. Everything that’s been accomplished in such a short period of time didn’t just happen by sitting and thinking.

Small increments have ultimately led to massive momentum that’s opened the door to unlimited opportunities.

JVS

Red Dirt

Back in time there was a little boy whose favorite past time was baseball. Often he’d play catch with his father. Often he’d watch his Giants battle the A’s. Home run chases, heart breaks. Baseball was his passion.

Time passed by, life changed. The cleats that once wore red dirt were locked deep away into the past. Red dirt replaced by dust, lost dreams and pain. That little boy became a man.

There is a little boy. Some times timid, sometimes crazed but this little boy needed that boy from the past. Todays little boy gets coached by that boy on the red dirt encompassed by the grass.

Todays little boy dressed like that man who was the little boy of the past. Todays little boy thanked the grown man for always showing up for his sports. Today, we embarked on our next season, chapter and story.

Todays little boy got to hang out with the boy of the past who even wore those cleats exchanging the decade old dust for red dirt. Todays boys plays for the As.

Where ever you’re at on your journey just remember the youth is always within. That the youth of today need to experience the youth that is still there today. Our purpose is to give, to show and express how we can all be one. The little boy within loves this little boy soo much.

JS + BS March 25th, 2023

How we get to the next level

Often we’re so focused on the next level that we never master the level we’re at. The next level never happens because we find ourselves so focused on time that we miss out on experiencing, mastering and conquering this level.

Today, sitting in a conference room. Both feet planted on the hard surface that holds up the long table. Sitting in silence with a brand new yellow legal pad exploring the worse part of what had happened. Knock at the door, twenty minutes had passed. Now it’s time to process. Stillness everywhere within, externally the storm whips the wind that’s been blowing all day. I can hear the trees breaking outside of this safe space.

Back to now, this moment. This experience speaks that the worse part of it all was being completely alone, when at that time I needed just reassurance that I was not going to be left alone. Seeing his face look down in show instantly transformed into fear. Fear speaks in delusional ways. Suck it up instead of it’s going to be ok.

Pause, one of those moments in time that just jars the soul. Healing is a process, todays courage is tomorrows healing journey.

-JVS

Sitting in Silence

Ears listen as birds speak.

Eyes watch the breeze.

Soul experiences the seasons growth.

The tongue tastes this exact moment.

As the nostrils smell the sense of each breath.

Grounded in this moment.

– JVS

Adulthood

There was a pivotal shift that catapulted everything into the now. That is the easiest way to explain how everything happened. We’re expected to be adults at 18 years of age by playing by the made up rules of our ancestors and the generations past. The blatant lies of society confused the reality of the young mind. Reality is that at 18 we’re forced into outer space to explore unknown planets encompassing new life, new rules, sick people and those of existential types.

The reason drugs and alcohol as so readily accessible to the common adult is the simple truth that at 18, some figure thought that a human should be able to handle the creatures, environments and the forces of space. NASA and even better for modern times SpaceX. These organizations don’t just launch a space craft with people in it. These brands spend years training for every possible situation to arise and testing those selected so that they’re prepared for their mission.

I still remember the first time I was fully alone. Financially unstable, mentally asleep and expected to act with no tools. The stress of being thrown into solar system with no equipment, and peers not briefed on the mission. All suffering through the same new reality, the wake up call to adulthood.

So ofcourse drugs and alcohol are accepted at this new found adulthood age 21. They say you’re free to buy, consume and drink your face off. That being the life of the party will get you places. News flash! everyone, I’ve known to be the life of the party are either locked up doing hard time or our 6 ft below the earths crust.

Drinking is more accepted than drinking water in this modern world. How could this be? Well this is due to the continuation of human suffering imposed by a law that has been passed for centuries.

We become adults when we recognize that the lie no longer has to be our story. That we all, equally have the power to be thrown through the cosmos into the reality of now. Some of us will get there through trauma, others through loss. Maybe you get there through some experience that others had that you’ve witnessed or that you’ve had. Until we experience the present and use the gift we’re all just grown up children pretending to be adults in this archaic structure that’s built to keep each and everyone of us stuck.

So for today, tap into this moment. Breathe in your breath and experience the gift of life. Right now.

– JVS

Outcomes

0704 hrs low hanging clouds still cover the blanket of snow that’s been on Mt. Diablo since this past Friday. Right now, the grooves of both of my cognac leathered boots grip the 1970’s floor of this car.

The train continues to progress down the tracks. Stop, more people. Go, more distance. Always forward on this route. About 70% of this cars occupants wear masks. This writing is post pandemic yet people still are proactive. Actually better yet, living in more fear as the pandemic brought us two new societies. Those that over consumed or those that accepted and turned their life over to the new beginning.

Laying about 10 feet, forward and to my peripheral right. There is a person covered with Cheese- it’s puffs and an empty bag resting on the middle of the aisle. Overconsumption generates an instant feeling that’s met with an overwhelming void.

Is today the day, the reader chooses to start living today?

– JVS

To Conquer

Seven months into the future and we’re finishing up 4 trips of riding the yellow line. Not an ounce of pain, minimal limp and a fresh take on the meaning of life.

Tough times build character. Hardship prepares the soul for all the life in between. Today, I am the strongest I’ve ever been. All the moments of failure, led to the faintest victories. Fun fact the middle name I was gifted through my parents is Victor. The core of my name is to win/ to conquer. Often in the midst of the darkness I’ve been reminded no matter how tough life gets a Victor never quits. A Victor always faces the enemy and enters the battle while always coming out the other side as the ultimate champion. The craziest and simplest truth I had to learn was the only enemy was myself. The writers own person was the writers worst enemy, that’s at least what writing told me.

Along the way those within the circle reminded often to celebrate those little wins that would one day those moments would be the turning points. Today we celebrate going back to back. Today, rising before the sun, stronger than ever. Focused on the moment. Living in the gift of life. I am a Victor. If I’m being completely honest six months ago throwing in the towel and walking away was an option that looked good. The circle suggested that we’d work harder than ever and make the decision when life changed. Today we’re here. Life changed in every single way.

– JVS

Feb 21st, 2023

Today, is about execution. Focused, execution. The writing is on the walls as if we walk through the concrete jungle. Read the signs, follow the truth, execute or disappear.

To elevate we must act with vengeance on our mind. Everyday the mirror lets us know who is coming to the table today. All in? Half way? Or, take me out coach?

Today is what tomorrow comes. Efficient while effective drives home the plan to execute above the level you’re choosing to fire on.

How is today?

– JVS

Final Stop

As the driver approaches a familiar stop, the souls energy fluctuates. The battery within fully charged commands the body to move from sitting to standing. As the body begins to move the head examines row by row. Eyes observe people, places and situations. With each step, closes a chapter of the book we’re writing.

The bus abruptly stops, we can hear the drivers black work boot push the pedal of the brakes forcing the machine to a halt. The hydraulic doors squeak letting off compressed energy forcing the doors to immediately swing open. Darkness dies within the vessel of this space, the outside area is bright, unknown and here.

As if for all these years we were walking in our sleep. So that in this moment both eye lids open, lashes flashing open for the inner being to see what is. To be fully awake to what is, truth and life. The right hand grabs the rail for balance to conquer getting off of this route. Knowing it will take 3 steps down and off , from bus to sidewalk; progress occurs. A pair of grimey old navy blue vans grab the pavement below, above the sun beams energy and the buzz of life is everywhere. Whoa.

Behind the body the doors of the bus whisk shut while the drivers right foot lifts from the brake as the same foot taps the gas. Accelerating….. off the bus goes finding the next stop on the same route, day in an day out.

As we stand, we visualize one bench, one pole and one duffel sized bag. A journey consolidated into contents of substance to a person still holding on to what was. Fact is this is today. Today is.

– JVS

A Body and a Trail

The child pointed, check out the shell! The shell conveys power, strength and resilience.

The the adult spoke check out it’s heart.

The child questioned what heart?

The adult smiled, that glistening trail.

When I was a child, I was fascinated with my parents backyard. Playing in the dirt, digging into the earth. Just the moment that was filled with imagination, perspective and truth. Wondering what all this was as my twin brother spoke of dinosaurs and pirates that lived within.

Today I credit my experience to my depth of what this life is. Often during the mornings I’d watch snails cross a cement path that paved way for other life forms to travel. A snail moves painstakingly slow almost to the point when we look we see nothing but a shell. Then poof they’re a gone and there is just the trail of their labor. Every-time the sun would hit the cement, I’d smile and see the heart of the snail.

Today is the day of love. Today is the day to bring the snails story to the reader. When life feels slow, stuck or unknown embrace the pain, hardship and unknown. Trust in your heart that this moment will lead to the journey. Keep going because before you know it poof. You’ll have left your mark.

-JVS

A seasons Death is a New Seasons Life

2-8-22 to 2-8-23

As the sun sets out west both feet stride to the cadence of right – here – right – now. We take deep, slow focused breath in realizing that this moment in time snapped through the lens of a smart phone captures the analogy of life.

Winter is todays season. Once the suns dips below the ridge to our left the earth grows cold accompanied by a brisk bite to the air. We know we’re alive by the way our bones communicate the feeling in this moment to our brain. Currently wearing shorts hmm typical Californians.

As the pen writes the ink explains to the readers eyes to pause and be aware. There is more than what the eyes see. Let the heart speak the truth of this old tree. In fact at the heart of winter the bare tree looks dead but inside life is alive and well. In fact the tree is growing for seasons change. Spring is growing in this same field. Proof is the tiny formation California’s state flower the, golden poppy.

– JVS

When the Writer is Alone

Moments like these thwart us back to the day. I can see, hear, feel, smell and sense everything as if I’m there again. Often the mind will transport back in time to the season in that place where the life I had was literally obliterated.

Lately I’ve smelled that smell of cranial fluid sloshed by instantaneous impact. The impact of my body being crushed by the forces of gravity and hell welcoming us back to the earth crust. Having no time to decide but to stay down and die or get up and have a chance. Choices determine stories.

Imagine old Humpty Dumpty landing on the rock hard pavement below the wall, we don’t imagine since the brain absorbed the moment and captured. Currently the brain signals this distinct odor to both nostrils. The nose picks up this scent as the tongue tastes the metallic taste of death both eyes see a blur in time. These are the symptoms of the past repeating again nearly a decade plus later.

Back to that distant place, how often I’m in society living for today yet somehow something triggers that pivot. The path I walked turned to a fork and bam everything that my young self thought was, would be no longer. What I see right now in this space has nothing to do with that place but the triggers pushed in the brain paint exquisitely with detail the scene as if there is a still portrait of that day. Maybe it’s time I paint what I see, maybe it’s time I go into full detail and let it all out for the world to know. Then reality speaks no one cares everyone is already battling some inner war or distant trauma.

The solution is to accept, acknowledge and ultimately let go every-time the story replays. Todays writing is the act of accepting, acknowledging and letting go. We will be ok as we’re ok. The sun sets west. Silence is heard stillness is felt.

– JVS

Forced to wait

Dirty red bricks caked with lives long gone while embracing the presence of humans of today. Both blue eyes observe as both blue soles steadily grip this ever serving surface. Right now I am here. The brain is somewhere in the past and predicting the future. Right before I chose to write, pain started narrating the story, chattering very loud. Spinning the news wire as if i was living in Windsor, when the reality is that’s just the perspective pain wants us to see.

Today I’ve come to accept that I have a disability but I am not disabled. Long ago through learning the hard way, the lesson was once we choose to acknowledge what happen and then to immediately not identify that is the day the key opens the lock and we can and we will freely walk out of that cell to be free again.

Every moment we’ve got to actively choose to use the key to unlock the gift of the present. If we choose not, then we automatically get the alternative. Misery is lonely and misery is waiting for us to take us all captive one by one to the edge where the gates of death lead.

Live now. Accept your reality. While leveraging the key unlocking freedom from what is holding your soul captive today.

– JVS

Underground

Sitting in a space filled with objects. Both blue eyes scan to observe pictures of flowers on every wall. Flowers are magical, powerful living things.

Color, scent, touch, growth. When we listen they speak.

Years ago, the flower was my own burning bush moment. Flowers became the anchor to my life. Flowers may only be experienced in the present. Sure a picture may contain their image but the full experience of a flower is life altering, time stopping.

This winter has been cold and rainy. Actually this winter has been the rainiest season on record for where we reside. It’s always easy to feel resentful at the weather or the weather people. A friend reminded us the other day that this wet cold winter will produce a super bloom next season.

The sense of excitement, joy and peace that overcame was priceless. Right now, I sit in this space: a doctors office awaiting a check up. There are people of all conditions here. Some are living their final days, some living their first days and some are dealing with the hardest seasons of their life. Just another stop on the route forward.

It’s been six months since that fateful day in July. Incredible that it’s been three seasons of hardship. Days pass and the mind acts like I’m never going to wake up yet as we know the choice is ours to choose.

Sometimes a flower takes a season or two to grow from the seed. The seed is the flower long before we witness the magic of the flower. Today I am not seen but I am here. To witness the focused growth that hasn’t shown yet is incredible. This season has been about stepping back and allowing nature to run the proper course so that we together can escape the cold, damp soil and shine amongst this springs super bloom.

– JVS

Wild Card

The radio flashes static of the iconic voice of Joe Starkey. Here they go, two minutes left, the niners are at the line. Young drops back, wide open, the pass touchdownnnnn.

Red and gold since day one. The privilege to grow up watching, listening and experiencing some of the greats lace up for our team. Confetti, rings and trophies.

Seasons change, time ticks, seasons pass. Many come and go. Names with no names. Numbers that get replaced. Draft picks that bust. Many men at the helm to lead the ship to capsize.

Seasons change, failure leads to lessons learned. Starting over creates space for a foundation. Change is the only constant. New voices on the radio. Bolder colors schemes of red and gold. New names and numbers. Same goal. Get back and Win the championship.

Today starts the march toward number 6. Lucky number 13. The last pick of the draft leads the faithful into the postseason. Those that chase dreams eventually live their dreams.

Faithful

– JVS

Lace Up

“Todays step is tomorrows walk”

– JVS

Barn Owls

No matter what season we’re in there is always a light.

Right now, standing directly on top of a double yellow line covered with substances blanketing moist frosty slush mixed with a dirty asphalt of soot. My head looks both ways as the body is still. Move forward, fall back or break the law by crossing a double yellow line?

Out of nowhere the ears pick up the cry of an owl in the dark tree line above. We’re never alone. Right now the mind is doing everything to show that I am completely alone on this abandoned road in the heart of winter.

As I breathe in the frigid air through both nostrils I’m reminded that I am alive. Right now, we can start again and prepare for the next season.

Our next season will be a direct representation of how we handled the lows of this season the voice speaks. James you better get to work.

Right now, James is scared. James is completely overwhelmed. That’s when the owl hoots three times as if a meditation bell rings to remind. All we have is this moment. Breathe in the spirit, let go of yourself.

– JS

Handling Loss

Rewind – last night enjoying dinner with the family when the phone lit up multiple times. John is dead. John quit. Instant change. Damn a literal gut punch. The emotions within swelled like a tsunami but the ego of the mind held back the feelings like a homies trying to stop someone from throwing a punch.

Right now – vigorously walking on an incline. Mint blue shoes swipe the rubber belt that’s moving continuously. Each step is progress. Today progress is the measurement of nows win. Back to the loss as the physical body begins to tire the brain starts showing memories, good times and the theater of the past. Damn John literally ended his life. He literally quit after all those times he spoke to me in the dark that as long as I didn’t quit the results would be plentiful.

John was there when I was in the gutter of life. In the midst of real life hardship gifted soley to this route, the route i still walk every single day. I have never found out why nor do I care. John – I hope you’re at peace now those demons that took you away from us are the same fight I often still battle often but as you said just don’t quit and the results will be plentiful.

John – losing you is the gift that we must live today. Find action today while always making time to pause and see the gift of life we all have access to freely today.

Right now I am. That is more than I deserve or need. Thank you for the love and friendship. Thank you for the memories. Goad you got to see the cubs win the World Series. Thank you for always taking those calls, rides and time. Time that ultimately got me to right now.

Until Next Time,

– JS

Balance

Experience the ride.

– JVS

Yellow

1 person

2 rides

3 points

4 lines

5 arrives

6 doors

7 departs

8 hours between

9 cars

10 out 10 experience

– JS

We can’t say until we have been

Flashes of life the last several days. Color, emotion, feelings, truth but most importantly reality. I’ve been here once before and it took years to walk out into the world again.

Right now I am totally aware that something changed six weeks ago. Six weeks ago life stopped and everything that was changed. I’ve always had this rigged idea (planted by some sick person who had the idea planted in their mind) that depression is make believe, it’s an excuse to be less than, a diagnosis that was a lie. Then this go of recovery something changed. Maybe it was that nurse telling me post surgery that I needed to stop sucking it up in order to heal maybe it’s age maybe it’s just the fact that I am ok with who I am today.

Full transparency depression is no joke. We’ve done everything under the sun to be ok the last several months and even then I found life on life support. Day after day there was no sun, no moon literally no light. Both blue eyes could barely see anything as if life became so unfocused and unreal that the mind and body disconnected. The grip of death was so tight on the soul that there was no way out but to trust that we could pull through.

Depression of this scale is something we can only speak of when we’ve walked back out of the dark tunnel and into the light of life again. Right now my eyes can see as both ears can hear the faintest sounds around me. Today was the first time in a very long time I recognized that I am breathing and able to focus on my breath. If nothing out of ordinary happens this week this is a monumental win in life. The gift to know that our breath and it’s awareness is the gateway to now is worth more than anything of value.

So about 6 weeks ago things took that sharp u-turn pulling all the hard work from underneath and throwing us all the way back as if we just got shot from a slingshot with an extremely elastic rubber band. There were moments that the towel was already thrown in, there was nothing left to give, the dam had finally caved in everything was gone and then amongst the chaos the heart said this is how you get through to the light.

The craziest part of all of this is I finally caved in and tried medication. I finally fully surrendered to the idea that I can’t do this alone anymore. That sucking it up was going to end my life’s story. That moment felt so bleak. The feeling of bitter defeat swept in but as in the holiday classic Dr. Seuss’s “The Grinch” there is a scene where the grinch lays on a snow capped mountain miserable following his journey to ruin Christmas. The grinch had learned that even though he destroyed the holiday the people of whoville came together to find joy in the madness and even sang in unison, what a miracle they would say. The bitter defeat the grinch felt turned into triumph. The grinches heart began to beat, the mind began to rest and life illuminated again.

What ever you may be experiencing or going through today. Just know you’re a gift to someone or something. Hardship is real and as long as you believe you can you will. As my wife began to say if there is a will there is a way and that’s the truth of life. Believe you can and you will.

– JS

Blades of Grass

Many purposes – sports, landscapes, lawns.

44 variations of green today.

Short, tall, weak and strong.

Blades grow, to be cut down.

Blades cut them down so they can grow another season.

Growth happens in stillness.

Growth happens in silence.

Growth is only witnessed by the sun or the moon.

Growth is painful.

Growth is action that gained courage to evolve when cut down.

What ever season today is allow this day to serve as the blades process of growth.

– JS

The Places We End Up.

10-9-22

-JS

Letters

Dear Stiffness,

Ofcourse we expect that you challenge us but we have to accept that your might will not stop us. Right now, I am 31 mins deep on a stationary bike. The brain is working hard to give you all the power to take over with the reign of today. Every challenge that is gifted comes with a reward if we work for the reward. Lately I’ve fallen victim to the irregular messages sent from the mind. 10 weeks of vigilance, all it takes is one moment of complacency to fall back and begin to sleep again.

I am thankful that right now the willingness within was able to read the message and act on the call. My wife is a real challenge. She knows how to push when I need the push. She knows how to back off when I need a moment. Her guidance today was write a letter to stiffness. So here ya go stiffness the narrative I’ve consumed of your reign has to change this moment forward. Right now this challenge will propel us toward the gift of today.

Today is progress. Today is a new beginning. Right now is the gift. The stiffness is still there yet my perspective has changed on the way we relate to it’s existence. The words we engage with are powerful to how we perceive and live life. Right now I’ve chosen to change the words that i am saying to the stiffness. Stiffness is a form of healing. Enjoy the gifts rewards by listening, seeing and being ok with the not ok moments. Remember moments come happen and go. Today the bad moments that arise don’t need to become the day.

How do you foresee a great day today?

– JS

Glass

As progress continues reality keeps checking us day by day. When alone we feel strong because there is control. Once we become apart of we feel week. Reality checks in by reminding how fragile glass can be. Sure glass holds and protects but if recklessly engaged or used, glass will fracture and shatter.

Today we have to be honest through listening to the body’s voice of reason. Today was the first day of rain. Walking on slick pavement the body spoke ‘be careful, move mindfully and with intent. Today I even had to use a handrail to get up and down the stairs. The crazy part is the mind was literally telling us ‘no don’t use the rail that’s, for weak people’. Not sure about you but my mind is full of crap. Each years gift on this planet is wisdom. Today I am ok checking the egoic mind and their friend pride to do what is right. Choice is power. A power we all equally hold.

My boss often tells “with great power, comes great responsibility” which is the fact of life. The power to choose will get you to where you are suppose to be. Today, right now… choose to listen with out your mind.

– JS

West Bound

The clouds painted above my head are pink and blue as if I’m a child eating cotton candy at the circus. Right now, the sun is absent from view but the colors say that the light of day, a new beginning is here to stay. Both shoes firmly planted on the concrete beneath their rubber soles. The platform is suspended above where we were forced to grow for the past days, months. Today I am progress. Today was a milestone. As the 0702 approaches westbound for SFO; two 90’s white lights emerge from the overcasted valley. The train approaches at a high rate of speed. To my right a drunk is speaking and has been speaking for the last 10 minutes about how he just wants to get to work so he can drink a bottle of tequila. He says “I’m tired of waiting for this damn train”! Behind my mask, I smile and say back “life is about waiting”, (maybe I’m biased but I’ve waited 10 years for this moment), He laughs and walks away.

Today, 58 days post change. Everything that was is no longer. I don’t even recognize who I’ve become. The energy within is bold, fresh and inspired. We become, what we do, when no one is watching.

– JS

Storm Drain

Today, about thirty minutes before the sun began to rise to the east we embarked. Step by step the stiffness spoke to us. Today felt off, was it the lack of sleep, the heat, the stiffness? Oh wait my mind is still thinking. The body instantly stopped moving and the heart spoke to breathe in hold and exhale. Ok now with one breath I can feel my shoes rubber soles grasping the concrete pavement below. Every day is training when we have to live with a human mind.

Ok, so we begin to walk, the heat is rising with each beat of the heart. Both blue eyes are still blurry. Age has taken their optics slowly but hey they can still see so it’s really not the end. Suddenly A chirping sound comes from the drain across the street. As my head turns right both blue eyes strain to see a little black shadow. Hmm the mind thinks. Body stops and takes another focused breath. Training never stops. Training the mind to sit so the heart can speak takes consistent awareness of observing and watching from within. Aha moment occurs as the brain fires signals, through each eye to witness. Across the street in that storm drain; there is a baby raccoon crying looking straight at me as I looked straight at them. Heart smiles.

Life will always show up if you’re willing to accept that the gift is experienced only in the present. Today accept the gift and use it’s power.

– JS

Silverback

On the fourth day of September; the sun blazes down on Northern California, 102 degrees is not normal for this region or is it? Long ago the realization that came to was that to live life is to experience without questioning and definitely not expecting. Expectations generate unhappiness, trust me.

Today, has been a chill yet hot Sunday. Like clock work, we woke up. Sat still, read, breathed and read again. Silence and stillness allowed the heart to speak the song of life. Another work out, another day to grow in all areas of life. As we walked out of the gym and into the light, both feet grasped the ground beneath as the cane anchored my body’s balance into place. Emotional, literally unexplainable in that moment. It’s been 7 weeks and to be right here, right now is literally like the old body died and a new one is regenerating sometimes slowly sometimes quickly. One thing that is true is that everything has changed in a blink of an eye. To vocalize these feelings that have been shuttered for years, to be able to not feel four letters that followed and taunted day in and day out is a blessing we always knew would happen. Each step is a step toward a new experience.

The half prior to this moment my heart rate was pumping as we worked. The phone sat in a cup holder as the screen flashed a message from Blake. Blake is one of those friends that is gifted through hard consistent work. We share a similar story with a completely different situation, so I knew the moment I saw the message the meaning had to carry some weight. In short summary the text read this: “A person that has a bank full of adversity that they’ve overcome to draw from in tough times becomes a dangerous person” – Lew Caralla.

Sure, ask anyone to describe what my characteristics are they will say quiet, focused, consistent, calculated, laid back, intense, rigid, determined, stubborn, hungry, dialed in, present. This mix generates danger, danger that only leads to safety for all. Our greatest asset is using our danger to lead and bring this force out of others. My wife will tell anyone first hand how intense I am yet that’s the love that I carry for those that I witness greatest in. Even you, the reader, has this same greatness with in and my willingness to continue to walk is to come in contact with you to witness your miracle to. How are you tapping into your mix of danger to make the world better today?

– JS

50

As the light breaks through the cracked blinds to the left of our bed the eyes physically open to know that the days identity is Saturday. Just last weekend I spoke about how Saturday would be a beautiful start as these visualizations within have been literally occurring in everyday life. The visualizations have started to become our reality.

Last night sleep was hard, painful and sleepless but as my wife’s dad always shares. “Life is not tough as long as you don’t weaken”. Right now the fire burns within. The body gets up walks to the living room with out a phone or any means of selfish toxic consumption. We open a book consume the contents and then immediately sits in silence for ten minutes. The mind is still, the body sits as the heart speaks what the heart has consumed into existence.

Today, we looked back at the last handful of posts. Wow. Just wow. We got through all of that. The writing is powerful, insightful and honest. To learn about your story through your own story is quite healing. To take the time to document, write and engage when the soul is lost can lead to the awakening we’re all searching for. Yes, we’re all searching for that moment of great awakening.

Right now, we write to share, grow and know. Today is a blessing that we all dream of. The dream that you’ve had for sometime is still there, now. All dreams start today, in this moment if we so choose to go get them of-course.

How are you experiencing the dream today?

– JS

Speak

For some the body has to break so their soul can be repaired.

– JS

Rings Matter

“Champions win the season, not the game”

– JS

There is no such thing as luck as they say.

Another work week comes to a close. As I sit at a wooden desk where I’ve worked for the last six weeks. A silver apple illuminates the foreground of this space. I am humbled to be where I am today. Today is day 42 of six weeks. 42 days of refocusing, reflecting, recovering and cultivating progress. Right now my soul is literally experiencing lucid visualizations of what is to come. The other day I was talking to an in home therapist whose been assisting with this entire process about the visualizations that have been occurring. They’re extremely powerful and extremely vivid.

To be right here is an absolute privilege. Lately a repetitive theme that has come up from my peers has been the question of how did we get here.

It’s really simple how we got here actually. See when you’re looking to find your path in life. Life is going to knock you down and do everything possible to bury you. Life is competition. Society is cutthroat and ruthless. Life is constant change and until we can accept that change then learn to adapt we will fail miserably. If you’re reading this and have read some of my entries of the past I want you to know I had to ultimately fail so miserably that when I was down and looking up. Life told me stay down or get up. I credit my blood line to the moral compass that was engrained within my genetic code. No matter what happens in life you never give up, you never quit but you may have to accept defeat.

Accepting defeat isn’t quitting. Accepting defeat is empowering your trajectory to start again and move forward. Some how I’ve always got back up and chose to embrace the pain. Listen to the pain and learn the lesson from what my actions caused. A mentor from years ago shared this, if you want to be successful you must learn one new thing every single day the rest of your life. What is one new thing you’ve learned today?

Serving those in life freely and willingly is how you truly learn to fully love yourself and all people. When you’re so bad off how do you love yourself? Well I’ve learned that if I can give what I know away for free the act alone allows my heart to heal. Millions of others have experienced this same lesson of life, have you?

Accept being rejected. Rejection is a great teacher. There was a time when I was rejected so many times day by day the act of getting back up became so tiring. The reason I kept getting back up was because I always knew my worth and believed that when the opportunity came I’d be able to go all in.

I remember when I got that offer. I only got one offer. I knew committing was a huge risk. I trusted the blind faith and my soul that this was the risk to take. Actually this was the only choice I had. I was thrown into a completely different and foreign space to put everything out there and on the line, day by day. During the most uncertain time of human Linds most recent history. A pandemic that was more uncertain than an economic recession.

That is how I go here. Today is a result of a lot of action when no one was watching.

– JS

40 Seasons

Today is something like 87,648 hours. Time is a teacher. Time is a mentor. Time is also human made. Time was actually created by a thinker. We can’t outrun time but we must accept that we’re not the contents of our mind in order to maximize the now.

Malcom Gladwell, who wrote the New York Times best seller ‘Outliers’ says “it takes 10,000 hours of intensive practice to achieve mastery of complex skill and material.” Today marks 120 months of accepting Malcom’s challenge. How can one master a disability that they are completely powerless over? Well for my story, I learned to master trusting, processing, believing and knowing that freedom would occur one day, once we earned it, ofcourse.

Today is day 41 of change. On day 40 I walked out of the darkness and into the world with 4-d vision. Since the first day, to today. When the rain poured, peers walked away, life grew old and love was lost; the heart within always spoke boldly that one day we would walk freely. Delusional and ludicrous the readers says as I was the reader long ago.

For 10 years, living moment by moment, step by step we chose to just do it. I remember once my neighbor asked how I was and I shared I can’t live like this. He shared “no matter how tough life gets don’t ever walk with your head down. You must keep your head up. This allows your eyes to visualize what is within the space you’re in, while keeping your mind in check.” Dan Costa I heard you. Thank you for being a mentor when I didn’t want a mentor.

Faith is how I achieved today. Seeing the moment gave way to experiencing the gift of life. Often peers say I am a dog, relentless, driven, persistent, intense, resilient etc. All skills are learned by showing up and working for 87,648 hours.

About two weeks ago a thought arose when my mom stopped by to check on me. The thought instilled fear that being pain free would be limiting and that would be something I would not want. We spoke of this and almost instantaneously an immediate release occurred within my soul. Awareness brought acceptance that generated clarity to see that the brain just wanted to hold us captive from the reality of what was to come.

Today I am pain free. I am starting to walk with a cane again and there is no pain. How? Faith through 40 seasons of change, that is how.

– JS

Intersection

Today, the moment both blue eyes opened. My heart was filled with a deep burning fire. Today felt as if I’d been gifted another chance. The chance to grow, the chance to be, the chance to coach, the chance to lead.

Today marks the sixth week. Today is a great day to have a great day. Today has had challenges yet they are positive challenges to have in life.

This past weekend I found myself in a remote place of a small town sitting on some random corner when a man walked up to me and said “I know you”. As the brain process the eyes engaged and recognized. “James right ?” said the short stalky man. Yes, yes how have you been my soul responded. “James to see you here is amazing. I’ll never forget how bad off you were five years back. I never told you this but you were the most positive person I’d ever engage with day in and day out for years at a time in that small gym in that small city”.

See “Tony” was a trainer at my local gym. Tony saw the walk and not the talk. Day in day out when life was an absolute storm. For some reason 6 days a week I’d end up at this gym to work no matter how bad things got. My heart knew action would heal the minds delusion. Pain is just a four letter word. Yet when our minds analyze pain, pain becomes a toxic prison. Trust me I’ve sat in that prison looking out the windows covered in bars. I’ve cried in that prison, sat mute in that prison just wishing something would change one day. Why led to nothing, how lead to freedom.

See I’ve learned this through living. My gift is to give everything away, no strings attached just give everything away. On the darkest and stormiest days of my life I chosoe to let my heart shine through because the sun always burns through the clouds. Instead of asking why I listened to how. How do I get out of this prison? How do I live with pain? How may I give the gift away. Be positive, inspire and be present just one moment at a time.

How are you choosing to see that the sun is literally right on top of the clouds with an endless blue sky?

– JS

Reminders

Today, I sit on my bed and there is a distant roar. My ears keep hearing this roar every few minutes. We’ve come a long long way, not long ago this sound would lead to instant fear. Today there is progress which is improvement.

The roar continues flaring up the minds thoughts jarring intrusive memories of the past. Right now I am aware that this is just a reminder, that the mind is trying to connect to the past, hold on to the identity of a different time period that ultimately was not normal but very normal to a select few of us. Talk about progress! Ok the roar now, is as if there a two jets lowly flying in circles above our house. The adrenaline has begun to seep into my nervous system. I can feel the commander within my mind ramping up and as I ground into this moment the adrenaline is constantly building. No one is even aware of what is going on as this sound doesn’t even make them think of what is.

Now I’ve found myself outside looking up as the roar approached again both of my eyes now see two fighter jets flying in a circle right above our home. The adrenaline is pumping and the mind is fully engulfed in the reality of the past. Complete physical paralysis as the brain is full on crisis. Still I am aware that this is just a symptom, to be aware of how the mind controls everything with in. This is just the life long journey we are all on. I still have work to do. I am human.

– JS

26 days

Been in a little funk. For some reason I’ve been afraid to post to the world. Daily I’ve picked up many variations of pens to bleed the words from within to the journals paper. How lucky are we to have so many choices in this modern world. Todays journal was written with a black ballpoint pen with a orange cover etched with a blue wiener dog on the clip. Not going to lie it’s still weird that I own such a random pen.

Back to the moment, often I feel afraid to tell readers when I am hurting, struggling, falling and even in all honestly barely holding on. This whole situation has been extremely hard but no matter what we will push on through and step by step climb back up this mountain to enjoy they view together.

Forced to be alone is a blessing. Forced to live moment by moment is a gift. Forced to work remote for a company that is dominating the market is a privilege but with all the gratitude I’ve got today in life I’ve got to not sit in denial. The last week and a half has taken everything with in to continue forward. I’ve never felt so detached in my life. At times there have been no words to even describe what is going on. One truth that I’ve always known is this that pen to paper unfiltered with nothing but the truth allows everything to heal and someone out there will also have the chance to heal. By stumbling across this page. Yes, the reader reading this right now, we’re not alone.

Today I wrote for you. I wrote for us knowing that if just for today this post was consumed by someone who needed to see that they are not alone in life that they too are right where they need to be then that’s exactly how I got the courage to jot these truths down. Reality it’s been hell. I’ve had no choice but to suit up for life and remind my soul that the mind is going to wage war if I do not grow by constantly getting deep into the moment. Over a week of listening to the voices in my head only made life that much harder. Today, we can be free again.

When the voice speaks viscously remember to breathe and write everything out. Use your pens and pads to get back into the reality that meets this moment.

– JS

Good Bye July

Humid, Lush, Green;

Sunday in July.

Unseen, clear, breeze;

Sunday is to be.

Surrender, accept, change;

Sunday during summer.

Buzz, chirps, chimes;

Sunday is now.

JS

Plants Speak

Long ago, I took a chance by purchasing a young house plant. The house plant was chosen on a whim after a visit with a doctor suggesting that having a plant at home had many benefits beyond what the eyes see. This doctor truly believed getting a plant would change my life. Of course at this time in my life of twenty something, I totally judged this person and their idea. I judged their suggestion yet I was also in such a low spot, the pain of not acting was much greater than the pain of setting aside the ego’s state of the mind to take a trip to the nursery. My heart knew I must give this suggestion a shot and if over time there was no benefit I could always give the plant away. The only reason I chose this specific breed was because the leaves looked like an Army fatigue with greens, browns and some amber yellow hues.

That purchase was over six years ago. Directly to the left of where I write, right now the plant sits as the days sun sets. The plant has matured and grown over the course of time. Leaves have dies and fallen while new ones have developed, grown and opened. At times, we were not sure if the plant was sick or dying. Buying a plant is living with blind faith. A personal definition of blind faith is that you truly believe that no matter what happens, you’ll find a way (foundation of route 57). When I made the purchase I remember reading plant blogs, asking people in the world for suggestions, learning what worked and what didn’t. My failure harmed the plants leaves at an early point an time. My lack of experience led to an infestation of flies. My ego led to a lot of failure when it came to pruning properly. Sometimes the best way to learn a lesson takes three stages. 1.) FAIL, 2.) Tell someone of your failure, 3.) Ask that person if they have a suggestion to learn, so in the future you don’t have to fail again. Today the plant sits in a bigger pot on a taller stand with a more exquisite soil.

See this plant changed my life. This plant was the mentor I needed when I didn’t know what I even needed. The power of listening to another human beings suggestion and acting on the whim with an open mind drives powerful/ magical results. This purchase literally taught me how to stop and listen. How to watch and see the miracle of life. During the worse moments of my life this plant spoke to me. The plant would tell me when water was needed. When the sun was too much or too little. Literally trusting that I’d take care of it on blind faith. The need of sun and water forced my mind to stop thinking and learn how to consistently act even when poor me did not want to act. I’ve never named this plant but as I write this an intuitive thought tells me their name is ‘Living Dream’. What the eyes see today is the story of six years. Living the Dream is accepting today while having faith that the actions to follow will grow the future of todays dream.

-JS

Reflection

Winter 2019 the moment came that life’s vision became focused on the present moment. Knowing that everything else is completely out of our control. Tapping into the now allowed us to navigate to today. Out of nowhere the world stopped. Pandemonium had come into play around every space that existed. I will never forget the day in late winter of 2020 as I crutched into a grocery store and people were literally in a full blown state of fear, panic and worry. Humans fighting over bags of frozen green beans, humans storing hundreds of bags of potato chips and don’t forget the TP crisis. The state of human suffering within the isle of frozen goods was seared deep into my souls consciousness. Large fridges emptied with frozen blue light reflecting off the white aisle floor. Carts overflowing with random assortments of goods no one would ever want to consume.

There were times my mind questioned if this was the end. The beautiful moment was when I sat in a run down Nations waiting for a burger my heart spoke and said this is actually the start. Life is all about perspective. Over the course of the next six harrowing months everything that I relentlessly positioned for and pursued ended. Jobs were nonexistent. Classes had been forced online. Friends walked away. People died.

Fear started to creep into every nook and cranny of existence. The world had gone mad. Untamed minds obsessing over the thought. Minds obsessing over the thought. The previous sentence is deep truth. Any time we consume and sit with thoughts they become our reality. Soon the world became self proclaimed professionals in medical and science. Thankfully my network was extremely strong, the pedigree that encompassed my existence were bred with that dog mentality. This is the pivot point: maximize now or sit in fear.

Day in day out with no income, no path the practice of living the dream started. Application by application. Rejection by rejection. Day by day. Moment by moment. We built. We learned. We grew.

September 2020 a lead came in by a good friend. ‘Come work with me’, now this guy had preached of this start up for years prior that they were destined for greatness yet aren’t all people optimistic of what they have. Still living by the minds guidance the ego within felt too much risk and feared this would be a bad move. How delusional is that thought, when the circumstances were already dire. At that time I was near homeless, unemployed and barely making ends meet yet the fear of risk was going to stop me from taking the first optimal lead.

Three interviews later. Offer accepted the journey began. There is no such scenario as luck. Reality is that job opportunity was created two years prior when B and I were sitting in that class. My truth spoke to his being. My actions seared into his existence a referral that I never expected or even was looking for. How we act is how our future unfolds.

I remember how excited my team was celebrating five figures to close a quarter that year. The celebrations were as if we had just won the pennant for the first time. Times were fresh, exciting and built off of a relentless grit to maximize each effort forward through strategy and guidance of industry leaders tenured and seasoned in the craft of building a product for customers via customers. Our foundation was our customers and prospects needs not ours. Early on they would say look at ourselves not our competitors.

Over the course of the next seven days my team and I will close seven figures in business for a week. While in the midst of a growing fear of terrible economic recession. There is always another fear to arise but in the midst of the pain remember to celebrate the blessings as there are just as many.

Through countless personal failures, hardships, trauma today I am aware of such blessings in this space. To be able and willing to write. To share experience based truths to the unknown world solely for someone who may read to see their own truth.

Today reflect on a period of time. See the wins. Accept the losses and learn from your failures so that you’re able to witness the dream you’re ultimately living.

– JS

Six

Dinner consisted of a salmon filet on a bed of rice and some nice green asparagus. Physically I am not ok. The mental game right now is at an all time high of talking. Just sitting here listening to one voice ‘you can’t do this, you won’t make it, stop getting up, we will keep you down. The other voice speaks a dialogue of pain literally ripping at every nerve there is within the neurological system of my body. Just sitting and listening, slowly I can feel myself giving into the voices. Actually I feel like absolute garbage. Today is worse than yesterday and it’s day six.

Light bulb moment – Act Now.

Reached into my pocket and grabbed the apple. Dialed my mom. No answer. Voices all negative began transmitting intense negative thoughts, feelings and emotions then the apple begins to vibrate, incoming call. Mom, is calling back. We spoke, instead of pretending the moment was awesome to protect my pride and ego I chose honesty. The power of being honest is a step toward healing. See my mom has been there through it all. A near decade she’s been the one person that has been steady, consistent and focused. Always assuring myself that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and that we key word we would get through every single obstacle. Tonight yet again mom and dad both just talked to me about the reality. It’s been six days, you’re suppose to be in serious pain. Surgery was six hours. The bones are healing and bone healing is extremely painful. Then mom says “don’t let your mind manipulate you” … moment of clarity. Often I write about the mind and how when left untamed the delusion takes over. The delusion had set in during dinner and the pirate at the helm of the brain was in full control of the reality that was being experienced

Here is the thing, when you train your mind moment by moment day by day, you can pull yourself out of this delusion. Only if you’re willing to ACT. When we sit in thoughts we become those thoughts. Thankfully, the relationship I was gifted via physical pain, I’ve trained long and consistent to know when it’s time to act.

Right now I feel completely present and at peace. The physical pain is an 8/10 still but the voice of pain is quiet. The power of acting and then writing about the situation can change everything that was to is.

The challenge, next time your voices of negativity, fear, terror starts the dialogue I challenge you to act. Call your mom, dad or who ever there is in life that you know will keep it real with you. Hearing the truth will set your soul free. Don’t call those that won’t tell you the truth.

– JS

Spots

Diagonal, maybe parallel.

Does any of this even matter?

Sure it does, order tames chaos.

See what I said order tames doesn’t eliminate.

Present, sitting and writing. The sun currently drops elevation over the west coast. As the seconds tick, the beat drops , no not the heart. The melody of the chainsmokers telling a story of memories.

Fleeting, memories. We all have them. Fuck how did I get here. I’m not sure, actually I do know. I chose to not give up. I chose to face reality. Sometimes literally breath by breath.

The contents within the mind have been pretty wild as of late. I’ve tried to post blogs and the hatred of the ego has stopped the thoughts from being shared.

To those reading this. We’re all in the midst of some hidden battle, just remember we have the choice to drive on or stop. Maybe I need to stop, possibly stopping is my biggest deficiency?

For now, I leave the audience with this. I battle pain every moment of my life as many of y’all do in different forms. As of late I’ve gone through a transformative acceptance that I live with a disability. There is nothing to hide as it’s apart of who I am and one of the reasons I’ve been able to find endless success. Now amidst the success there has been profound amounts of failure which brought many life lessons that catapulted exponential learnings.

In case the pen gets lost. Thank you for always being a source along the way to allow us to connect and share the truth.

Pen Stops,

JS

Incline

It is 15:41, wait its 17:52, actually does time even matter?

Right here, in this moment: two.. summit white Metcons ‘just do it’, one step at a time.

Sweat begins to persperate with every tick of the clocks hand. The internal hearts external walls beat stronger with each and every step.

Life is this moment.

The pen dried up as the writer’s voice fell quiet. Month by month the untamed mind cooked its powerful recipe of quiet, spontaneous and chaotic disaster until what is greater than all of us shook the soul back to today.

I’ve battled intense stretches of destruction internally to keep my image positive for the world. Moment by moment watching my soul slowly die a sad and silent death yet today I picked up a brand new pen, flipped a page to a new chapter to ensure the audience of this writer that we’re back.

Right here, right now.

JVS

Three Months

This morning as the atmosphere held stormy skies. The portion of sky I stood below opened a the silver linings backed by the rays of the golden sun rising.

Hours earlier this region was pummeled by thunderous storms encompassed by the dark of night.

Back to this moment, my body walked through a parking lot. My blue eyes focused on the moment noticing the wet oil stained pavement trapping puddles and white blossoms from the trees above.

As I continued toward my truck a cherry blossom was captured by a gust of wind when time stopped. The natural stream of relentless thinking stopped as I witnessed the gift of life. The present moment spoke, this season created this moment. This exact moment showed the future growth of next season.

It’s been a little over three months now since I walked out of that building that was so familiar to my existence. We gave everything to be there and in the end time passed while seasons changed. Honestly, the day I left was the biggest breakthrough in my young life. Since I walked off the yellow line in WC, everything in life has changed.

This forced me to make a decision. You can stop and sulk or you can dig deep and elevate. I remember I drove to the gym; worked out and went on a hike. Obviously I chose the latter. I chose to fully commit to the process by writing this new chapter through grace and humility.

For 90 days I committed to healing and health. Result, I lost over 30lbs and got built with lean mass. I haven’t been this physically fit since my days in the military. Instead of consuming because of stress, I chose to turn to nature, reality and my truth in order to become what I am today.

As I reflect on today, I know that the future is ever bright because when the world turned their back I chose to go to work. When people slept, I reinvented, reengaged and rejuvenated my soul to be able to come back greater than ever.

This week, I took on a new role, with a new challenge that has problems for my skills and experience to solve. Life will never make sense but we must remember life will always put us where we’re suppose to be.

– JVS