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Reminders

Today, I sit on my bed and there is a distant roar. My ears keep hearing this roar every few minutes. We’ve come a long long way, not long ago this sound would lead to instant fear. Today there is progress which is improvement.

The roar continues flaring up the minds thoughts jarring intrusive memories of the past. Right now I am aware that this is just a reminder, that the mind is trying to connect to the past, hold on to the identity of a different time period that ultimately was not normal but very normal to a select few of us. Talk about progress! Ok the roar now, is as if there a two jets lowly flying in circles above our house. The adrenaline has begun to seep into my nervous system. I can feel the commander within my mind ramping up and as I ground into this moment the adrenaline is constantly building. No one is even aware of what is going on as this sound doesn’t even make them think of what is.

Now I’ve found myself outside looking up as the roar approached again both of my eyes now see two fighter jets flying in a circle right above our home. The adrenaline is pumping and the mind is fully engulfed in the reality of the past. Complete physical paralysis as the brain is full on crisis. Still I am aware that this is just a symptom, to be aware of how the mind controls everything with in. This is just the life long journey we are all on. I still have work to do. I am human.

– JS

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26 days

Been in a little funk. For some reason I’ve been afraid to post to the world. Daily I’ve picked up many variations of pens to bleed the words from within to the journals paper. How lucky are we to have so many choices in this modern world. Todays journal was written with a black ballpoint pen with a orange cover etched with a blue wiener dog on the clip. Not going to lie it’s still weird that I own such a random pen.

Back to the moment, often I feel afraid to tell readers when I am hurting, struggling, falling and even in all honestly barely holding on. This whole situation has been extremely hard but no matter what we will push on through and step by step climb back up this mountain to enjoy they view together.

Forced to be alone is a blessing. Forced to live moment by moment is a gift. Forced to work remote for a company that is dominating the market is a privilege but with all the gratitude I’ve got today in life I’ve got to not sit in denial. The last week and a half has taken everything with in to continue forward. I’ve never felt so detached in my life. At times there have been no words to even describe what is going on. One truth that I’ve always known is this that pen to paper unfiltered with nothing but the truth allows everything to heal and someone out there will also have the chance to heal. By stumbling across this page. Yes, the reader reading this right now, we’re not alone.

Today I wrote for you. I wrote for us knowing that if just for today this post was consumed by someone who needed to see that they are not alone in life that they too are right where they need to be then that’s exactly how I got the courage to jot these truths down. Reality it’s been hell. I’ve had no choice but to suit up for life and remind my soul that the mind is going to wage war if I do not grow by constantly getting deep into the moment. Over a week of listening to the voices in my head only made life that much harder. Today, we can be free again.

When the voice speaks viscously remember to breathe and write everything out. Use your pens and pads to get back into the reality that meets this moment.

– JS

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Plants Speak

Long ago, I took a chance by purchasing a young house plant. The house plant was chosen on a whim after a visit with a doctor suggesting that having a plant at home had many benefits beyond what the eyes see. This doctor truly believed getting a plant would change my life. Of course at this time in my life of twenty something, I totally judged this person and their idea. I judged their suggestion yet I was also in such a low spot, the pain of not acting was much greater than the pain of setting aside the ego’s state of the mind to take a trip to the nursery. My heart knew I must give this suggestion a shot and if over time there was no benefit I could always give the plant away. The only reason I chose this specific breed was because the leaves looked like an Army fatigue with greens, browns and some amber yellow hues.

That purchase was over six years ago. Directly to the left of where I write, right now the plant sits as the days sun sets. The plant has matured and grown over the course of time. Leaves have dies and fallen while new ones have developed, grown and opened. At times, we were not sure if the plant was sick or dying. Buying a plant is living with blind faith. A personal definition of blind faith is that you truly believe that no matter what happens, you’ll find a way (foundation of route 57). When I made the purchase I remember reading plant blogs, asking people in the world for suggestions, learning what worked and what didn’t. My failure harmed the plants leaves at an early point an time. My lack of experience led to an infestation of flies. My ego led to a lot of failure when it came to pruning properly. Sometimes the best way to learn a lesson takes three stages. 1.) FAIL, 2.) Tell someone of your failure, 3.) Ask that person if they have a suggestion to learn, so in the future you don’t have to fail again. Today the plant sits in a bigger pot on a taller stand with a more exquisite soil.

See this plant changed my life. This plant was the mentor I needed when I didn’t know what I even needed. The power of listening to another human beings suggestion and acting on the whim with an open mind drives powerful/ magical results. This purchase literally taught me how to stop and listen. How to watch and see the miracle of life. During the worse moments of my life this plant spoke to me. The plant would tell me when water was needed. When the sun was too much or too little. Literally trusting that I’d take care of it on blind faith. The need of sun and water forced my mind to stop thinking and learn how to consistently act even when poor me did not want to act. I’ve never named this plant but as I write this an intuitive thought tells me their name is ‘Living Dream’. What the eyes see today is the story of six years. Living the Dream is accepting today while having faith that the actions to follow will grow the future of todays dream.

-JS

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Reflection

Winter 2019 the moment came that life’s vision became focused on the present moment. Knowing that everything else is completely out of our control. Tapping into the now allowed us to navigate to today. Out of nowhere the world stopped. Pandemonium had come into play around every space that existed. I will never forget the day in late winter of 2020 as I crutched into a grocery store and people were literally in a full blown state of fear, panic and worry. Humans fighting over bags of frozen green beans, humans storing hundreds of bags of potato chips and don’t forget the TP crisis. The state of human suffering within the isle of frozen goods was seared deep into my souls consciousness. Large fridges emptied with frozen blue light reflecting off the white aisle floor. Carts overflowing with random assortments of goods no one would ever want to consume.

There were times my mind questioned if this was the end. The beautiful moment was when I sat in a run down Nations waiting for a burger my heart spoke and said this is actually the start. Life is all about perspective. Over the course of the next six harrowing months everything that I relentlessly positioned for and pursued ended. Jobs were nonexistent. Classes had been forced online. Friends walked away. People died.

Fear started to creep into every nook and cranny of existence. The world had gone mad. Untamed minds obsessing over the thought. Minds obsessing over the thought. The previous sentence is deep truth. Any time we consume and sit with thoughts they become our reality. Soon the world became self proclaimed professionals in medical and science. Thankfully my network was extremely strong, the pedigree that encompassed my existence were bred with that dog mentality. This is the pivot point: maximize now or sit in fear.

Day in day out with no income, no path the practice of living the dream started. Application by application. Rejection by rejection. Day by day. Moment by moment. We built. We learned. We grew.

September 2020 a lead came in by a good friend. ‘Come work with me’, now this guy had preached of this start up for years prior that they were destined for greatness yet aren’t all people optimistic of what they have. Still living by the minds guidance the ego within felt too much risk and feared this would be a bad move. How delusional is that thought, when the circumstances were already dire. At that time I was near homeless, unemployed and barely making ends meet yet the fear of risk was going to stop me from taking the first optimal lead.

Three interviews later. Offer accepted the journey began. There is no such scenario as luck. Reality is that job opportunity was created two years prior when B and I were sitting in that class. My truth spoke to his being. My actions seared into his existence a referral that I never expected or even was looking for. How we act is how our future unfolds.

I remember how excited my team was celebrating five figures to close a quarter that year. The celebrations were as if we had just won the pennant for the first time. Times were fresh, exciting and built off of a relentless grit to maximize each effort forward through strategy and guidance of industry leaders tenured and seasoned in the craft of building a product for customers via customers. Our foundation was our customers and prospects needs not ours. Early on they would say look at ourselves not our competitors.

Over the course of the next seven days my team and I will close seven figures in business for a week. While in the midst of a growing fear of terrible economic recession. There is always another fear to arise but in the midst of the pain remember to celebrate the blessings as there are just as many.

Through countless personal failures, hardships, trauma today I am aware of such blessings in this space. To be able and willing to write. To share experience based truths to the unknown world solely for someone who may read to see their own truth.

Today reflect on a period of time. See the wins. Accept the losses and learn from your failures so that you’re able to witness the dream you’re ultimately living.

– JS

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Six

Dinner consisted of a salmon filet on a bed of rice and some nice green asparagus. Physically I am not ok. The mental game right now is at an all time high of talking. Just sitting here listening to one voice ‘you can’t do this, you won’t make it, stop getting up, we will keep you down. The other voice speaks a dialogue of pain literally ripping at every nerve there is within the neurological system of my body. Just sitting and listening, slowly I can feel myself giving into the voices. Actually I feel like absolute garbage. Today is worse than yesterday and it’s day six.

Light bulb moment – Act Now.

Reached into my pocket and grabbed the apple. Dialed my mom. No answer. Voices all negative began transmitting intense negative thoughts, feelings and emotions then the apple begins to vibrate, incoming call. Mom, is calling back. We spoke, instead of pretending the moment was awesome to protect my pride and ego I chose honesty. The power of being honest is a step toward healing. See my mom has been there through it all. A near decade she’s been the one person that has been steady, consistent and focused. Always assuring myself that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and that we key word we would get through every single obstacle. Tonight yet again mom and dad both just talked to me about the reality. It’s been six days, you’re suppose to be in serious pain. Surgery was six hours. The bones are healing and bone healing is extremely painful. Then mom says “don’t let your mind manipulate you” … moment of clarity. Often I write about the mind and how when left untamed the delusion takes over. The delusion had set in during dinner and the pirate at the helm of the brain was in full control of the reality that was being experienced

Here is the thing, when you train your mind moment by moment day by day, you can pull yourself out of this delusion. Only if you’re willing to ACT. When we sit in thoughts we become those thoughts. Thankfully, the relationship I was gifted via physical pain, I’ve trained long and consistent to know when it’s time to act.

Right now I feel completely present and at peace. The physical pain is an 8/10 still but the voice of pain is quiet. The power of acting and then writing about the situation can change everything that was to is.

The challenge, next time your voices of negativity, fear, terror starts the dialogue I challenge you to act. Call your mom, dad or who ever there is in life that you know will keep it real with you. Hearing the truth will set your soul free. Don’t call those that won’t tell you the truth.

– JS

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Four

Right now I’m writing as I know writing brings perspective and relief to the reality that I’ve got nearly zero control over.

Today, the nerves have awoken as if my body stands in the middle of a bad storm. Lightning bolts jolt the body constantly sending messages of unbearable pain signals to the brain which in turn tells this story of nothing but negative news. Pain, pain read all about it. Thankfully I was given a warning that this was coming. We must understand this. We’re not the mind just observers of it’s existence. Until we can understand this we will be stuck under the delusion of what human suffering is. Honestly 99% of our world is suffering from this exact problem, I witness this in my own life and all around the worlds space I exist within.

The point is today is four days post an extremely traumatic major surgery. The physical body is fighting to rebound, process and ultimately accept what was is no longer and what is, now. My worlds expectation is that everything is better now. That’s the delusion of the machine to do do do when in order to truly heal we must be be be.

I’ve had moments of wanting to give into the mind. Especially when alone and all there is, is my friend pain screaming in a whole different octave. I’ve cried alone. I chose to write this post solely because I lay here questioning if my heart can push through this. The one thing that is certain is we haven’t gone through the last decade of surgeries and hardships to just quit when time gets extremely comfortable. If anything the time is now to dig into the moment even more to learn more about how rather than why.

How do you plan to work through the obstacle that is insisting that you quit?

– JS

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Helmets and Hammers

As the epidural entered into the spinal cavity within the lumbar, the life filled body went numb from the waist down. I was completely powerless within the moment. Being in the OR is such a weird place. Men and women, I’ll never meet ever again carried, placed and opened boxes filled with instruments for their journey ahead. Hammers, saws, instruments of all colors, shapes and sizes. Placed one by one on many different carts that had wheels. At this time everything was still but the visualization of the wheels meant there was to be great change and movement once we embarked.

This time, the feeling was we were getting ready to go to space or some foreign new land. Out of my peripheral a door opened and in walked two surgeons draped in full on, astronaut suits. The surgeon charged with leading wore a full face encompassing Stryker helmet with cables and instruments. They were ready for a full on exploration of the unknown. Hence, their need for this protective gear. They directed me with help to roll over and lay on my back. As my numb body was rolled by others I could feel the the countdown.

To my left, one surgeon was tightening a piece of his helmet as his eyes meticulously gazed over images and some last second calculations, while the short one stood in a tactical stance. Arms crossed counting down from the looks of the number ten. The energy started to rise in that moment. I asked the OR nurse how long we had left. Blink. Waking in a distant foreign place. Mission was successful. The team fixed everything. Mission accomplished.

– JS

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Rest

Thank you

For allowing me to continue. Every single day you’ve allowed my body to make it through the roadblocks, detours and every day challenges of life. Thanks to this device I’ve been able to work full time, help others everyday even by just suiting up and showing up, be independent and literally forced to turn inward for another deep dive in the fearless search of experience. Thank you for buying us time to prepare for this surgery. Your creation allowed the surgeons to research and come up with a plan. Thanks to you, I’ll most likely be able to walk again.

Just about 20 minutes ago I spoke to a concierge about what happened. They reminded me that this is the gift of life. Hardships literally show you what you’re capable of. The amount of growth I’ve personally experienced over the last 5 months have been profound.

Right now, as my body rests and the mind is still, my heart reminds my soul that this is the beginning to the next marathon. Fun fact, I’ve never ran a running marathon but I’ve got deep collection of running marathons if you know what I mean.

In closing, there is something within your life that is making you become your best self. The challenge is to start being grateful for what ever it may be.

Gratitude is the key to peace and happiness. I truly hope everyone one of you that reads this will experience the moment and the profound effects that gratitude produces for your and others lives.

Until we connect again.

– JS

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7-13-2022

Reading and writing are basic tools for our hearts, to speak freely of our erratic untamed minds delusion of yesterday and tomorrow.

Right now, the warm kitchen light shines as I write about today. Often I’ll write in silence but tonight I’ve chosen to put on a calming melody titled ‘clear minds’. Writing strums the hearts center like a lost soul sitting on a corner strumming a guitars strings for connection to others. The difference is I choose to write for deep inter personal connection to the truest person I am now.

For decades, I truly believed my worth was defined by the physical form of my body. Six pack abs paired with muscles meant I was unstoppable. The thoughts and ideas my brain generated were tested and forced into a category of intellectual or dumb. Often on paper, society would say I was a ‘C-‘ student at best. That is at least what society, others and the delusion of my brain literally believed.

Today, I sit 5 months post another surgery. 24 hours from now, I’ll be in the final reconstruction surgery of a very long drawn out saga. The physical body has been beaten and worn down through trauma but one idea that is clear through experience is that my heart is an ‘A+’ student. The heart that beats in this moment will power my being through what ever comes down the road due to the fierce faith I have through repeated experience with a lot of uncontrollable situations, experiences and unknowns. Our hearts can literally get us through anything, if we stop and listen to what the heart is actually saying to us.

Listen with a smile, Listen with your eyes, Listen with your feet, Listen with your hands, Listen with your breath, Listen with those around you and most importantly listen with your ears.

Heart

When was the last time you sat down and listened to what your heart was saying? Maybe you’re reading this and are asking yourself how do you listen to your heart. All the heart does is beat. Trust me, I’ve been there. My brain told me those same exact thoughts for decades. Until one day, when alone I heard a deep inner voice say ‘stop, you’ll be ok’.

Sit and breathe. I’ve found that breath work and meditation really allow my erratic mind to slow down and literally become still, which bring space to experience the now.

For anyone out there that really wants to take a leap of faith to learn more about right now and what the heart is literally speaking to you. A Personal suggestion is to read ‘The Power of Now‘ By Eckhart Tolle. My guidance soley based on how I consumed this book was by reading 1-2 pages then immediately meditating with my breath for 7-10 minutes. Once done with the meditation, I’d read the same 1-2 pages again out loud. This book took many days to complete with this way of consuming but it changed everything within my mind, heart and soul.

Make time for today. Make time for this moment. Make time to listen and more importantly find your truest being right now.

You’re enough as you’re… don’t forget that.

-JS

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Two wheels, One Heart.

The mind has a bundle of excuses on how today is a good day to stop. A great day for excuses. The best day ever to fall off.

That’s when my heart speaks firmly. ‘You’ve worked way too hard to come this far to stop now’. the only constant is change. That’s when a small act of grabbing athletic shoes, bending over to physically lace the shoes on both feet then climbing on the bike generates energy to act. Having the courage to change a negative moment is the fundamental step to pull your being out of the grips, of the untamed minds design for your life.

This isn’t the Tour de France. This is one act of training the mind, body and spirit to continue forward. Every push hurts yet I’m not dying. Every rotation aches yet I’m still safe. What we do when no one is watching is ultimately the path others view. There are moments where the mind is banging, screaming, yelling, rooting and heckling everything the mind has got so that my heart will stop and succumb to the demands of the mind winning the competition of life.

Someone in your life right now needs to see your courage. They may be stuck in the timeless dictatorship of their mind. Maybe, just maybe your actions will be watched by them, giving them that sprinkle of energy to surrender to the mind for that split second. To re-ignite the hearts flame to act with courage to change.

If you’re fighting some internal battle today. It is ok to stop. It is ok to breathe. It’s also ok to ask for help. Asking for help is an act of courage. Today we challenge you to to stop listening to the mind and start seeing with your heart. What you see, I challenge you to go do.

– JS

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Being Scared is Normal

Being scared is a step forward. Being in fear is a leap backwards.

10:10 AM PST the email notification woke up a sleeping phone. Bold letters with a subject of urgent letters forming English words hit my eyes. Took a break from the task at hand to take a look at the contents within. We got you scheduled for surgery the blues within my eyes read. Instant smile formed on my lips followed. The idea that maybe this would give me the ability to walk again. The dream of progress and a path forward illuminated within my heart. Then within an instant a swift internal current of anxiety. The mind out of nowhere began to stir up the mysterious concoction of negative thoughts. Aware as my heart was telling my conscious all will work out the way it’s suppose to work out. Quite recently a mentor of mine said “life will put you where you are suppose to be”, profound. Today, I truly believe Where I am is exactly where I’m suppose to be. So my question to you is this, right now, you’re where you’re supposed to be what are you learning about your inner most self ?

Through out the day I had moments of feeling scared. That’s when I had a second smile within arise. Knowing through experience that to be scared is not a bad thing. Being scared is a normal response when dealing with a lot of variables that equate to the unknown.

Often, my writings talk about the untamed mind and how the pirate at the helm will do anything to change reality. Just today as my mind finished consuming the message sent by the surgeon the pirate worked to change the trajectory of the boats true path. Reality check today is beyond amazing. I’ve got more than I need. People that are in my life are in it for a reason. As you read these words produced in this writing know you’re not here by mistake. Life put you on this sentence to understand that some how and someway this experience I share will be a guide for your own journey with time.

Right now, the sun is actually setting west of my living room. Even now the awareness senses an undertone of anxiety. This is how clarity speaks on the message. Factually I’ve been gifted one of the worlds best surgeons to attempt to give me a new life. See that message he sent ended with this. “We will go in a fix what we can but I need you to know this may create other problems and more pain”. Our minds through evolution have subconsciously been trained to only connect with the negative or worrisome stuff. So Ofcourse subconsciously the mind wants me to sit in fear that surgery is going to destroy everything and ultimately lead to a death sentence. I’ll even share this, the biggest fear I have is that I’ll be put to sleep and die on the table. Guess what that could totally happen but the chances are low and the state my leg is in, needs this surgery in order to continue forward on this path.

If you’re struggling with something that you can’t control. Sit down and write some positives about what ever is taking a toll on you. Again you’re here for a reason. This time in your life is teaching you a lesson so that you’re empowered to be best version of yourself for the rest of your life.

– JS

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Before Quitting

After nearly a decade of surgeries the trauma and pain that haunted, tormented and eliminated everything that once was; dragged my existence to hell. There I wanted to end it all. The heart within brokered a deal. Make it to one last sunset, then you may decide.

We made it to the next sunset. Then the heart spoke again ‘I dare you to make it to one more’. With time the sunset became the pivotal moment that the life within cherished to make, no matter what the cynical mind would say. If you’re at the end I challenge you to get to the next sunset. Take a deep breath and experience what you see and feel with out the thoughts trapped in your mind swaying you to act on the delusion. We are not our minds. Just observers of its existence.

– JS

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Upside Down

As the sun climbed from the other side of the world, east of the west continually and steadily climbing above the mountains; directly in front of my blue eyes. The energy within continued to awaken to this new day.

As we stood, on the southbound platform suspended by metal and concrete matter, the energy within did not match the energy around. Observing the hundreds of bodies around waiting for a train that was behind schedule. Faces with no names; minute by minute, emotionless turned to frowns filled with sadness and anxiety.

Pause, my heart questioned how so many could have upside down smiles so early of a start to a brand new day?

Through my own existence, I have to make a choice the moment I wake each and every morning. Think into suffering or breathe now. When the breath leads my heart follows. Every person who connected with me in San Francisco mentioned how they felt I was so present and how with all the life that has happened this year. It’s simple, when you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired you either stop or keep going. Thankfully I listened and stopped. Today I am here because I chose to stop and grow.

-JS

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One Building Just a Different Door

Story time, the person that lives upstairs sure doesn’t like quiet time. The reason we know of a person residing up there is based solely on the sounds our ears hear. When we’re awake they are peacefully asleep. When we begin to power down in the evening they awaken. When our souls enter REM the beast above awakens.

Pause, followed by a deep; faint voice. “That sure sounds like how our brains behave when left untamed” ” the voice softly says. Through personal experience when the mind is in charge. The mind repeatedly generates a stream of recurring doubtful negative centered thoughts for the person to watch. Over time the consumption of the mind’s thought ticker we humans begin to believe everything that it commands through its urban warfare tactics. The mind starts to infiltrate the heart and soul before our being lives entirely in the past, then instantaneously again only in the future. The tactics of the mind include messages of fear, shame, worry, doubt; the list goes on. A mind untamed sure slowly but erodes any peace that may be within you like a wave continually crashing into the cliffs of the seashore.

If you’ve read anything here before then you already know where this is going. We can accept this to be true and then begin forward with tools to learn to calm the mind and tame the symptoms so we don’t have to deal with this way of living. How often does your mind tell you to focus on your heart? Focusing on our heart and seeing the truth of what allows our bodies to work is crucial to alleviating the symptoms of the untamed mind.

When I focus on the heart, while bringing focus to my breath. Calmness enters while the chaos recedes. Read any spiritual, scientific, educational book out there and the solution always comes to this, right now. The only time we can breathe and witness our heart is in the present moment. Start living now so that together we can heal and begin to live the way our parents, grandparents and ancestors did not get to live. A good majority of them were great thinkers and their minds ultimately led them to complete and utter failure. Sure many were of great success but how many of them lived with complete peace?

Right now as I write the person upstairs drags a heavy object against their laminate vinyl floors. Today my heart teaches my mind patience. Patience is cultivated by the breath. Sometimes this takes multiple times a day but focused breathing never fails.

The story here says we need to align our heart first then our mind so we can heal ourselves first. When a pilot instructs us to put on our oxygen first before helping others, this is the best example for this lesson. We must learn to heal first. Then we must help others, world wide heal. Until all experience healing again. 

-JS

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Close Friend

As I close my eyes right now I’m visualizing everything that happened so long ago and so far away from right here. Life changed so fast, instantly then you were there. The path forward meant you’d have to be with me day in and day out.

Never until today, have I had the courage to just write about our relationship but something is opening me up right now. Knowing I’m responsible for putting myself in your grips by signing up and doing what was required through duty. To be honest you robbed me of my dreams, future, sense of self. You stole some of the most formidable years of ones life. You changed the entire trajectory of life’s path. There were many moments in my soul and heart I absolutely despised you and hated you for how you impacted my family, friends, career and personal understanding of who I even was.

Then when you turned up the volume back in 2017. October 10th, 2017 to be exact. We’d already been through the hell and back, you decided to go on that full fledged attack to destroy. I succumbed to the physical, mental, emotional, psychological abuse that you manipulated my mind to believe. I finally died. Then I rose again, this time with the understanding of why you were put into my life. See today I know you’re the greatest gift anyone can ever be gifted. I wouldn’t be the successful, thankful, humble person I’ve grown to be if not for your persistence to break James down. We together could build a new foundation and understanding of what life truly means. Life is to experience, no matter how hard it gets, when you can just be mindful and experience everything.

Pain, Thank you for taking me into the dark cave and breaking me. Thank you for giving me the choice; quit or find a way. I know you trained my brain to want to quit as thats easy to do but the one thing, anyone who truly knows me; knows this: I will never quit and I sure as hell won’t accept defeat.

I remember when that doctor shared with me that pain could be spun as a friend. The friend that holds you accountable. The friend that loves you unconditionally. The one friend who is there for you no matter what. The friend that teaches free lessons and gives free guidance on wisdom. Love your friend Hate is a negative energy that is only going to kill you.

Pain is my secret power.

Thank You for believing in me.

-JS

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Boxing Match

Give freely even when no one asks for anything.

The plan to write, was not exactly these words that you’re currently reading. See, the only constant is change. This evening as I settled into the routine to relax began, I received a message from my mother. Upper cut punch from a heavyweight fighter landed in the 12th round. Sure the thoughts rushed in with fear of the unknown. Instantly, the brain begins to position itself for the war of control. Pause and breathe. The untamed mind will not fix anything. Only your breath can anchor you in reality.

Right here, right now there is an undertone of worry. I have to stop and accept that what happens, is what is suppose to happen. Route 57, personally taught this long ago. Instead of sitting on the bench worrying about when the next bus comes. We must do what ever it takes to get to our destination. Currently my destination is to serve the world by giving everything away. To sit and contemplate is ultimately a death sentence for a human like myself. Service is the ultimate way to grow through life and water those around who truly need support the most. Right now everything is totally ok. I sent a positive note to my twin brother. Today he is alive and well.

Words sent via text – ‘don’t allow your mind to tell you the negative spin. Negative thoughts only generate stress and more unneeded symptoms‘.

Nice words generate nice thoughts for those that truly need to hear them.

-JS

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Birds

Sunday 0653 hrs Eyes flutter open. Negative self talk filled with the incessant stream of negative thoughts from who knows where to be honest. The torso automatically crunched up as the sun was rising from the east of Mt. Diablo.

When ears actively listen they hear. Ears generate the audio of life. My ears during the early waking hours of the morning projected horrors of the past and some whimsical fear fantasies of the future. Whoa moment of clarity comes out of nowhere. Do you really want to listen with your ears turned off today?

Here is what the choice was, action.

First I accepted the stream of thought as just the untamed mind. Then I acted with a solution/ remedy to calm the mind down. When a car overheats we take action to calm the engine/ radiator down so we must do the same to our minds.

Finally I took a dialed/ focused breath in allowing the fresh rejuvenated air to enter my nose to be directed along my entire spine. Vertebrae by vertebrae, step by step. Today is 4 months since spine surgery and focusing on the rejuvenation with my breath allows the spine to heal with breath work without western pills work. Don’t believe me well next time you’re in pain try some focused breathing before taking a small white pill that just inflames the mind, trust me; you do not need it.

As the breath slowly inflates the belly and climbs the spine I imagine the air filling my skull and cooling off the over stimulated brain by pausing, allowing for the air to be still. Then I exhale in the reverse direction as the air is deflated from my belly, out of the brain, down the spine and pushed through my mouth.

Today, I did this five times until I experienced the shift. Like the power switch had been turned on. Instantly my ears were filled with birds chirping outside. Beautiful, thankful, exciting thoughts arose. To experience the present is such a gift.

Just for today allow your ears to listen .

-JS

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Take Off

Right this moment, my digits vigorously tap the 26 letters on my keyboard, I’m reminded that even on the grayest of days blue is just one layer away.

Living in Northern California, I’m privileged to experience some of the greatest weather on Earth. Scientists call our home the region that birthed the lucrative micro climate. The Golden States North; during any season of change never ceases to not deliver on the promise of ideal temperature rain or shine, no wonder tourists buy into the slogan ‘California Dreamin’.

This morning clouds rolled through the gate giving us a beautiful 72 degrees outside. How do you experience such weather when the sun isn’t even visible, you may ask. First and foremost let me make this clear: I’m not a scientist or a specialist on this matter at all. Through deep pain and human suffering paired with a relentless drive in my heart, long ago life gifted the experience of a deep sense of awareness. Perception of what is, is just that, it is what it is. Currently aware of reality beyond the 3rd dimension today. Aware that this experience called life has many dimensions beyond just the 3rd. See as we are physically connected to this planet and since I happened to pay some attention in science class. I know the atmosphere of Earth is a field that protects the planet. Due to chemicals and matter mixed together, we see the atmosphere above us is always blue. Right now, all I can see is gray but with the ability to breathe, slow down and accept my intuition reminds me just above the gray is a beautiful blue sky beaming with sun. This can be proven with a quick take off of a plane. When a plane takes off under clouds, the plane climbs above the clouds so that its aluminum body can seamlessly navigate at a cruising altitude encompassed by the endless blue.

This often reminds me of my own mind. For example today my eyes fluttered open to some very sporadic negative thoughts. Negative thoughts projected in my head are only around the past or the future. Thankfully my breath allows me the gift to anchor down and become present. Ok, maybe I’m just all over the place right now but take a moment and read this.

Since the blue sky is above the gray clouds then a positive thought is right above a negative one. Back to the plane experiment, see when I just stop, center and focus on my breath, that is the action of the plane preparing for take off. Inhale… hold… exhale. The plane is now wheels up full speed ahead. Inhale… hold… exhale. Airborne with engines full throttle. Inhale… hold… exhale. The plane is overcoming the clouds. Inhale…hold…exhale. Passenger seatbelt sign turns off and the captain says you’re free to move about the cabin. Blue everywhere. Instead of sitting in the fallacies of the past or future we need to breathe and find the gift of the present moment. The positive that is right here and free for everyone and anyone.

Right here, right now. This moment is the positive, is the experience, is life. Stop sitting in the cockpit grounded below the clouds (that’s how metal starts to rust), keep flying. Flying is freedom.

-JS

Featured

Poker Shades

Sir, would you mind if I ask what happened to you? Pause as the mind cooks up a steamy bowl of judgement. As the tongue starts to articulate there’s another question. Was it a motorcycle or an auto accident?

Nonchalant response, just had surgery and am recovering. For? My back. Oh ok. We hop in an overly priced truck. No supply but an extremely high demand for more. Immediately, hang a right as we depart the dealership onto a wide lane road, embarking for the interstate. Silence. Sir, I’ll be honest this truck ain’t worth the sticker…. Wait is this a salesperson, aren’t they suppose to sell high. Perplexed.

Accelerator to the floor board as we approach the downward on ramp. Red lights, fumes of brakes, shoot there is traffic. The brain sends an instantaneous signal to the right foot, directing it to lift off the gas and simultaneously but in a controlled manner press down on the brake. Oh well let’s just keep this a short test, my now calm mind immediately says. Sir, My mom passed away last year and maybe you have some idea about what I’m to say. Sitting at a red light, listening attentively. Two weeks before she passed away from cancer, I went to visit her at the hospital. I was walking in a crosswalk and a distracted driver didn’t see me and catapulted my body. Lifeless…. When I woke up evertthing I knew had changed. I broke my hip. Silence paired with active listening. The pain was unimaginable. Again the truck isn’t worth the price, I just felt like you’d be able to relate. The mind continues to listen, awful awful pain, sir. He see’s me crack a smile behind my root beer brown shades, as his golden dark shades recognize that we both are not alone.

Our purpose is to listen first, process second and ultimately experience everyone for everything. Inches and seconds. Embrace your story and allow others to share theirs.

-JS

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Intermission

A different city every night sometimes they toss roses, slurs, tomatoes and tears. Rain or shine, no matter what the show will go on. Lights, cameras, action!

Sleep is for the dead, the weak, the depressed. Smile through the pain, the bullshit, the fandom, the ego. Fuck your feelings, embrace the suck, toxic energy to fuel the obsession that comes with fame and fortune. Work harder, longer, faster at all costs. Mentally exhausted pop a pill, consume a liquid, snort powder, inject a substance. Lie to the mind teach it that the substance will get you through all things, says self.

Dull, numb, empty, pathetic. They waited all night to see your show, the show must go on. Slowly fading walking through space like a zombie astronaut. Shoot for the moon and you’ll at least land with the stars. Blast off, another show another action another night of shame, self hate filled with a lack of purpose for the person on the stage but the people paid for this, the show must go on.

Bows to the cheers. Sips a glass of water. Fuck it bow again. Curtain closes. Eyes blurry. Heart rapidly beats. Dressing room back to reality looks up at the mirror. Pale skin with a faded soul. He hates you, you hate him. The time is now.

All shows cancelled for personal reasons. Two weeks until we hit the road. Gasps for air. Gasps for air again. Sits down. No more shows.

Featured

Start Now

Recently, my wife and I, out of nowhere engaged in a friendly game called Dare. The rules are simple: Just do it.

One thing I profoundly learned in a distant land within a valley was if nothing changes, nothing changes. As my buddy back in the Hawkeye state says: Winners make it happen, losers let it happen.

Dare: Write your friend, who you haven’t spoken to in over a year and finish it this week, no excuses, ok? I felt an instant shot of adrenaline and lasting dose of fear. Knowing I had nothing to worry about for some reason my mind didn’t want me to change. The mind had grown accustomed to thinking and not doing. See my wife is fierce, she knows how to poke the bear. The competitive nature got poked. To be told to compete when my mind said no just sit right there and think. The power of choice, sure in writing this it makes no sense why this was so hard to do but in the thick of it all; the suffering of self created a delusion within the thinking mind, making reality seem out of reach. A secret I’ve learned through practice which is an action is this: once one starts the race their chances of finishing exponentially go up. Writing that letter took three days but I pressed send and the victor within my soul arose. We won as self lost. Dare: Read for 30 minutes and write about what you’ve read. Took less than one day. Dare: compile one bag of clothes that you don’t need and donate. Done.

Instead of trying something new; Just do it. We Dare You.

-JS